(First two verses sung by some of the Grannies with false moustaches or whatever, to look like conservative bad guys! – with others chiming in on chorus, zombie-like)
There are juicy legal issues where the media makes a fuss
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
And so it came to us – Let’s create an OMNIBUS!
I’ve got a little list–I’ve got a little list
So we dredged up all the quibbles that the public had with us
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
That make some people cuss – and we made an OMNIBUS!
And who never would be missed–who never would be missed!
First there’s leniency with youth who may commit a petty crime
There’s the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs—
And there’s homeless people begging proper citizens for a dime
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs—
There’s criminals who break parole – I’m sure there’s one or two
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with ’em flat—
And there’s predators who kill again – at least we know a few
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like _that_–
It really doesn’t matter if it’s logical or just
And all third persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes insist—
We’ll put it on the bus, the Mighty OMNIBUS!
They’d none of ’em be missed–they’d none of ’em be missed!